Late night thoughts..

The last 5-6 month I have spent some serious time with kids. Kam and Addy have turned into my life lately. Every decision has involved them. I honestly never thought that day would come. I have always wanted it, but didn’t think I would ever get that lucky!! (I honestly can’t wait to have one of my own)

I won’t lie, I am a natural father. I love being around those kids. The last couple of Mondays I have had the great pleasure of spending ALL day with Kam, I had Addy this last Monday too so I had both kids.  At times it was VERY difficult and they defiantly make you think everything through. From what they eat to drink, to what they do during the day!!

As Addy was falling asleep on my legs, and Kam was sleeping on my chest with his head on my shoulder I realized something.. I am there body guard, there helper, there “father”, the person that basically helps them when they need it. Somehow I they gained that confidence to fall asleep on my leg and in my arms. They know that I will keep them safe! Its great feeling to have

Then I got to thinking, Do they realize the same thing? or do to they just expect us to be that way. Then I got to thinking. How did I treat my parents? Did I show them my love? When was the last time I told them that? Or have I ever told them that. How much I “depended” on them!

Ask my Mother, I rarely ever hugged her, hated that “mother kiss”, Just wasn’t a touchy person with my parents. I hated it.. But the last year, I don’t know what changed? Was it the fact that I “have” kids? Was it that I matured? (I know funny thought!!) Or was it that I had someone that depended on me? (Weather it was Fawn or the kids). There are soooo many factors. It really makes you wonder!

I don’t think we spend enough time telling out parent’s thank you we don’t  spend that extra 10 minutes getting that last hug, that last kiss on the cheek, or that last “I love You mother” out of our mouths. We never know if it will be the last time!

I can’t believe how two little pains in my ass (But I still love them!!); Can make me think this way. I guess adding a life (even though I have not had that pleasure of adding one yet) will make you really evaluate your current life, your past, and your future.  

I love where my life is going. I love the way my mind is thinking; most of all. I AM HAPPY!

(P.S. I will keep the dead beat Dad comments to myself. But I want to add one thing. If you bring a life into this world.. I don’t know how you don’t make that/those life’s the biggest thing in your life. I could get into more detail, but I won’t. Also this is not directed towards particular person. Just a general comment)

Listening to your Heart

One thing about working in a bar you get to see a lot of stuff! Mainly that stupid kind of drama; that drama that is just stupid and pointless and prove nothing. Whether it’s between couples, guy’s fighting over a girl, girls fighting over a guy, guys just fighting, girls fighting, or drunks trying to be badasses. You get to see it all!!

But lately I’ve been bothered by one things. Guys or girls that would make great boyfriends or girlfriends that get walked all over.. Now this you kind of got to read a couple times. What im talking about is that girl that is so-so good looking and is looking for a serious relationship and would make an AMAZING girlfriend and wife, we will call her Donna. But guys take advantage of that. Use her, tell her thing that are not true. Now I’m not saying that the guy is playing her; but he sees a better looking girl (we will call her Lisa) and breaks up with Donna just because Lisa is better looking.. But EVERYONE knows that Donna is perfect for him and gives him the world!

But it can go the other way. I know a guy, we will call him Justin. This guy is a great guy, he treats everyone with respect, like everyone, gets along with everyone. He is not the best looking guy, but he is good enough. This guy would make a great boyfriend and possibly husband. But girls will not give him the chance because he is who he is. A down home country boy with dirt on his hands, worn out pants usually Wrangler, unshaved face, button up country style shirt or a worn t-shirt, Carhart jacket that’s been used, cowboy or camo hat and has a country boy drawl. It’s not like he is a slob at all, he actually dresses nicely, and I’m just doing a shitty job of describing it!  But because he doesn’t wear 200 dollar pants, drive a nice car, wears a cowboy hat, and has some grease on his hands from his MANUAL LABOR job; girls will not give him the time of day..

I don’t know what is it with “us”, why we got to be so picky and follow what mainstream society wants us to do. We need to start listening to our hearts more and listen less to friend. Basically what I am trying to say is get out of your “comfort zone” and give that guy or girl a chance. I know I did with Fawn, and it is the best thing that has ever happened to me!! EVER!

I could go on for hours about this, but you get the idea.. here are a couple of quotes i had written in a book..

“Listen to advice, but follow your heart.” - Conway Twitty

"Your heart is free, have the courage to follow it." -Braveheart

That next big step...

Its been awhile, I KNOW!! I had some very random thoughts today. Its one thought, but its all im thinking about right now..

It’s funny.. As a kid you don’t realize what you parents give up for you and do for you. All you care about is that you get the toy you want for Christmas, you get the clothes you want, and you get to do what you want. Go to movies, Lagoon, Classic Skating (talk about a blast from the past!!), and stay at a friend’s house all night! Nothing matter!

You would hear them say ALL the time, “Just wait til you have kids of your own!!”.. OVER AND OVER AND OVER they said it and you basically blow it off! They just sit back and wait for “That time”.

Well I guess my time has come. We have been through this a ton, I know those kids are not my kids. But I take care of them, I make there lunches every day, I’m there when they cry, I’m there when they need something, and most of all I’m there. Plan and simple, I will always be there!

With Fawn taking on a second job, we run into a slight problem. Who’s going to watch the kids? We talked and talked about it. I realized, Why not me? Could I really mess up that bad having the kids alone? Am I ready to take that next step? Do I have the patience?

Now nothing is set in stone yet, but I bet I watch them at least two days of the week. MOM?!?! Where is my Mother??!! HAHAHA I won’t lie, I’M NERVOUS! But at the same time I am pretty excited that this big step is happening. I know I can do it!

So any advice would be nice!!

As always, Everyone be safe and have fun!!